Week Thirteen: I Will Not Bow

Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to Heaven

All is lost again
But I’m not giving in — Breaking Benjamin

Mia

Time has blurred together and I couldn’t tell you if it had been a day, a year, or even ten years since I became a vampire.  My days and nights were spent with Derek.  He taught me so much about my new abilities.  I should have felt powerful but I mostly felt trapped.  In the beginning when I was a little more wild and couldn’t control my emotions I craved Derek’s attention.  I was content to let Nathan slip out of my life and I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t miss him.

Eventually I began to feel like myself again.  The overwhelming emotions and hungers subsided enough for me to control them and I found myself falling into a depression.  How had I let this happen to me?  What had I done to Nathan?  I began to see that Derek used his affection and my emotions to keep me tethered to his side.  I know now that he doesn’t love me but I also know that he would never let me go.  For the first time in a long time that bothered me.

Losing my dog, Ranger, was just another failure to add to the list.  Ranger had been the only thing in my life that was truly mine, it hurt so much to think about the day they came to take him away from me.  I wanted to be mad at Rachel for that but if I was being honest with myself I knew I was to blame.  I shudder to think what I would have done even a few weeks earlier though when I didn’t have my emotions under control.  Would I have hurt my sister because of a dog?

“You miss him, don’t you?”

“Ranger isn’t the only one I miss.”

Nathan raised his eyebrow at that and looked like he might be ready to brush me off but something in my face must have tipped him off that I was being serious.  I felt like crying and I knew I deserved everything that had happened to me.

“Hey now, don’t cry.  I’m still here and I still love you.  I knew you would come back to me someday, the madness doesn’t last forever.”

 

He leaned in to kiss me and I didn’t stop him.  I knew Derek was wandering around downstairs but I didn’t care.  At that moment I needed Nathan’s arms around me more than I’ve ever needed anything in my entire life.

Things quickly got out of control and we ended up making love right there in Derek’s bed.  I can’t bring myself to be sorry for that no matter what happens now.  The peace I found back in Nathan’s arms was worth it.  Whatever this night costs me, I’ll pay it.

Of course it didn’t take long for Derek to burst through the door, a murderous expression on his face.

I’ve never seen Derek so mad.  I couldn’t even understand half the things he was saying, he was screaming incoherently.

He finally calmed down enough that I could understand what he was saying.

“If you ever betray me like that again I’ll kill Nathan.  Don’t think I won’t just because he’s my human servant, I won’t tolerate this shit.  Don’t fuck with me, bitch, this is your only warning.”

“Put some clothes on you whore, and go home.  I don’t want to look at your face anymore today.”  With that he stalked out of the room.

I couldn’t move.  I just stood there shaking and sobbing.  Nathan grabbed my face in his hands and stared right into my eyes.

“We can leave, we can try to run away from here.  Come with me.”

The thought terrified me.  Nathan didn’t understand how powerful vampires were.  I was a brand new vampire and I could easily track him down if he tried to run, there was NO way we could ever get away from someone as powerful as Derek.  I couldn’t put Nathan in that kind of danger.  I just shook my head and ran out of the house.

When I got home I nearly tripped over Wiggles.

“Watch where you’re fucking going,” I snapped at her as I ran up to my room.  She must think I’m a lunatic.  Then again I suppose most of my family thinks I’m crazy at this point.  I never explained any of this to them and I was hardly ever home anymore.  Surely they noticed the change in me?  Did they even care?

Later that night I heard a commotion down the hall, it seems that Sheldon was having a birthday and everyone was cheering him on.  Nobody even bothered to ask me if I wanted to join in.  I guess it’s my fault for distancing myself from them so much lately, they probably didn’t even realize I was home.

It was just getting dark and I was getting ready to head out and hunt when I sensed something sinister in the dining room.  I ran as fast as I could and was horrified to see my father slumped over at the dinner table dead.

My whole life my father was the only person who even tried to understand me.  My bitch of a mother always treated me like shit and my sisters mostly kept to themselves, but my father was always there for me.  I wailed in agony when I saw his body.

Then the most peculiar thing happened.  I saw Death.  Nobody else seemed to be able to see him, maybe it was because I was a vampire?

Whatever the reason, I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me by.  I was going to save my father somehow and I was willing to threaten Death himself to do it.  Unfortunately he didn’t respond well to the threats, even when I threatened to bite the shit out of him.

I grabbed him by his bony wrist and sank my fangs in as deep as they would go.  I wasn’t sure there would even be anything to suck out of Death but I didn’t care, I wanted to hurt him.  I drank the substance that came out for a minute before I realized that it was definitely not blood.  Not only was it not blood but it tasted so foul it was making me sick, I was sure I would die if I kept drinking.  That’s when I noticed Wiggles passed out on the floor beside me.  Shit, what had she seen?  While I was looking down at Wiggles and trying my hardest not to vomit, Death let out a low cackle and faded from sight.

My daddy was gone.  I felt so nauseous and light-headed.  I had to get that substance out of me.  I ran to the bathroom and was violently ill.  I think I got most of it out but I still felt a little funny.  I knew I was taking a huge risk but I decided to run over to Nathan’s house.  I needed someone to comfort me.

Luckily Derek was out hunting, something I should have been doing myself.  Nathan held me and rubbed my back while I sobbed all over him.  When I finally got myself under control a few hours later I was nearly out of my mind with hunger.  I needed to go out and feed before the sun came up but I was so reluctant to leave Nathan.  He offered to let me feed from him but I didn’t want to do that to him.

I was just getting home from my nightly hunt when I noticed the strangest thing in my front yard.  A puppy!  I hesitantly went over and inspected the tiny thing.  He looked a lot like Ranger and my heart caught in my throat for a moment.  I noticed a note attached to his little collar.

“Mia- Killer and Princess had another litter of puppies and I thought you might like one of them.  His name is Turtle.  I hope he helps cheer you up.  Love always, Nathan”

Nathan gave me another puppy, I couldn’t believe it.  The rescue shelter would have a fit if they found out, they told me I wasn’t allowed to adopt animals anymore after last time.

I spent the next few weeks with Turtle, training him not to pee in the house or chew the furniture.  I kept getting sick regularly and I eventually realized that it wasn’t any kind of poison from Death, I was pregnant.  The thought terrified me.  I had no idea who the father of my baby was and either way I was so screwed.  Either it was Derek’s baby and would probably be the most evil little shit on the planet or it was Nathan’s baby and Derek would kill it for sure.

I couldn’t do this alone anymore, there was just too much at stake.  I ran to find my sister, she was so smart she would know what to do.  I finally found her stretched out on  Dad’s bed reading a novel.  She saw me crying and quickly threw her book down and hopped off the bed.

I fell into her arms and between sobs I managed to get the whole story out.  She was shocked but I could tell that she believed me.  She promised that she would try to protect me as much as humanly possible.  She told me it was probably best if I didn’t go to the hospital, being a vampire and all, and she told me she would oversee all my prenatal care at home.  I loved my sister so much in that moment.  We had never been super close but here she was willing to put her life on the line for me and my child.

She did tell me it was probably not a good idea to tell Wiggles I was a vampire.  Wiggles is the biggest coward in the whole world and she would likely faint at the mention of the word vampire.

I spent the next month inside as much as possible.  I was getting really sick of the taste of plasma fruit, I had never liked the things, but I couldn’t venture outside to hunt.  I was too afraid I would see Derek.  He called my cell a few times but I never picked up the phone.  I knew it was only a matter of time before he came over and broke down the door demanding to know where I had been.  I was terrified.

The day finally came.  Derek was out front screaming at Rachel and demanding to be let in.  She calmly told him I didn’t wish to have any visitors at the moment and asked him to leave.  I couldn’t believe her!  Derek looked like he might break down the door and drag me out by my ankles but he could see that a crowd of people was beginning to form and he seemed to think better of it.  I heard him promise Rachel that he would be back before he turned and ran off.  I sank to the floor and let out the breath I was holding, I was safe for another day.

Later that night I heard the gate opening and I ran to the window in terror.  Sighing with relief I realized it was Nathan.  I rushed out to greet him.  His eyes rounded when he caught sight of my belly and he just stared at me in shock.  He seemed to immediately realize the predicament I was in and he paled.

“He’s going to kill you if he finds out.”

I just nodded as my eyes brimmed over with tears.  He pulled me into his arms and stroked my back.

Just then a noise by the garage caught all of our attention.  I sensed Death again and froze in place.  This time he was here to take my mother.  I was surprised to find the same grief washing over me as I had felt for my father.  I never got along with my mother, she had made my life a living hell whenever possible, and yet I was sad she was dead.  In that moment it felt like my whole life was falling apart.  How long could I live in this perpetual state of grief and terror?  Something had to give soon.

Nathan moved in after that night.  He refused to leave me alone in my condition and I was grateful to have him around.  He insisted that I feed from him to keep my strength up.  He was convinced that the baby was his even though I told him I wasn’t sure.  He vowed to protect us both with his life if he had to.  I just hoped it wouldn’t come down to that.

I knew Derek must know what was going on by now, I could feel him in my mind.  I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t come to kill me or Nathan yet.  A small, terrified part of my mind worried that he wanted the baby and was just waiting.

A few months later I was painting when I felt the first contraction.  I was in a panic, it hadn’t even been close to nine months yet!  Something was either very wrong or maybe vampires didn’t stay pregnant for nine months, I wasn’t sure which.  Rachel had coached me for this though and I tried my hardest not to panic.  I knew I couldn’t go to the hospital so I cleared my mind and started my breathing exercises while Nathan ran to get Rachel.

Less than an hour later I held my little boy in my arms for the first time.  Nathan and I had decided that if it was a girl I would pick the name and if it was a boy he would get to choose.  He named our son Joshua.

We got Joshua to sleep and the stress of the day finally caught up with me and I collapsed into Nathan’s arms.

“He’s going to come for Joshua, I just know it.”  I whispered.  I’ve always been able to feel Derek in my mind ever since I was turned.  He told me it was because he was my creator.  Whatever it was I could feel him now, I could feel his glee and anticipation.  He had been strangely quiet for months but now it was impossible not to feel him.  He was coming for my baby.

I knew without a doubt in that moment that I was going to do all I could to protect my family.  I knew it would mean my death but I would die a thousand times if it meant I could protect those I loved.  suddenly calm for the first time in months I got down on my knee and asked Nathan to marry me.  He was shocked but quickly agreed.  I wouldn’t tell him what I planned to do, I didn’t want to worry him, but I would marry him before I met my death.  I was done letting Derek dictate my life.

We had a private ceremony right there in the nursery with just Rachel, Wiggles, and our child as witnesses.  And he was our child, I was as sure of it as I was of anything.  Nothing that sweet could have ever come from someone as vile as Derek.

After Nathan went to bed that morning (he sleeps during the day like me) I called Derek.

“I will have my child, bitch,” he growled into the phone.

“He’s not yours and you will never get a chance to lay a finger on him.”

“We’ll see about that. . .”  He hung up the phone and I knew he was on his way.  It was time to end this once and for all.

I ran outside and headed him off before he could get inside.

“Don’t even think about it” I hissed at him.

He just smirked at me and I could see the fires blazing in his eyes.  He meant to kill me, I didn’t know if I was strong enough to stop him but I couldn’t let him get to Joshua.

He tackled me to the ground and I fought him off with every ounce of strength I had.  I kicked and punched and bit him like a madwoman  I could tell that I was hurting him pretty badly and for a brief moment I wondered if I might actually win this fight.

That’s when I heard Nathan scream my name.  I lost my concentration for a split second and it was over.

My last conscious thought was of my child.  Please dear creator don’t let him take my child.

When Rachel got home from work that night I had to tell her that her sister was dead.  My wife was dead.  I couldn’t believe this was happening, I promised to protect her.

Would my son ever forgive me for not taking better care of his mother?

Would he even remember his mother?  Years slipped by and I hardly even noticed.  If it wasn’t for my son I would have no reason to even go on.

Joshua had his mother’s eyes and it nearly broke my heart to look at him.  His hair was all mine though and it made me smile, I had always known he was my child.  Now I will spend the rest of my life making sure nothing ever hurts him.  I will not fail him like I failed his mother.