Week Fourteen: A Pain That I’m Used To

All this running around, well it’s getting me down
Just give me a pain that I’m used to
I don’t need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true — Depeche Mode

Rachel

Death had come again. It seems the last few years He’d become a regular guest at our household, whether he was welcome or not. I remember Mia had told me she had actually seen the bastard when He came for our parents. I always wondered if it was the vampirism, or if it was because she didn’t have much time left herself.

This time Death had come for Jarvis, and the entire household was devastated. Even Bowen, who doesn’t even seem to know who anyone is these days, was emotionally torn apart by the news. For me, as much I loved Jarvis, his death was just a painful reminder of losing Mia, which was still a fresh wound.

I could hardly believe Mia had been gone for so long. Her little boy Joshua was growing up so fast. I’m glad Mia left us something to remember her by, but part of me was scared of getting attached to the child. What if something happened to him too?

Death haunted my every thought. Even when I slept, I tossed and turned throughout the night, dreaming of the Reaper coming for each of my loved ones, until I was all alone. Sometimes in my dreams I was able to convince Him to take me instead. I’d wake up at that point, but strangely, those were the times I wasn’t glad that the dreams weren’t real. Did I want to die?

“Did you sleep well, hon?” Wiggles asked me. I felt bad for worrying her so much. She was upset about all the deaths too, but I don’t think it had really sunk in for her. She’s so naive and childlike sometimes. I guess part of her will always be that child’s doll I fell in love with. I hope she never changes.

To keep my mind off of the mortality of my loved ones, I began developing my electrical skills. It seems like our kitchen always had at least one broken appliance, so I might as well make myself useful.

After fixing the trash compactor, I moved on to the dishwasher. As I was fiddling around with the wires, I felt a jolt go up my arm. I hadn’t even bothered to cut off the power to the thing first. Was I trying to get myself killed? Maybe I was…

I just couldn’t concentrate on anything any more. I was cooking macaroni and cheese one day when I got distracted.

For no reason at all, the sink practically exploded. I screamed at it in frustration. “You fucking piece of shit! You think I’m going to fix you? Forget it. You can stay broken for all I care.” I think I’m losing my mind. I broke down in tears and collapsed on the floor. Then I remembered the mac and cheese. It had been cooking forever, I was lucky the house didn’t burn down. I guess our stove was fireproof or something.

“Sorry I pretty much destroyed dinner, Wigs.”

“Oh, it’s OK, Rach. I’ll just pretend it’s Smoked Mac and Cheese. Just add some hot sauce and you can call it chipotle! It’s like a whole new dish we’ve never had before!”

I love her.

It was a few days later when I found myself in a puddle of water repairing the dishwasher. Once again, it wasn’t unplugged. I was definitely suicidal. Luckily, nothing happened.

I grabbed a hammer from my toolbox and just started beating on the range. “You wanna die Rach? What’s wrong with you?” I scolded myself. “Get it out of your system already!”

I knew I just wanted to die before Wiggles or the kids did just so I wouldn’t have to go through this pain ever again. But how selfish is that? I carried Joshua to his crib to put him to bed. His mother was gone. Nathan tried his best for the kid, but Joshua needed me too. And Sheldon, what kind of mother would I be if I left him on purpose?

Maybe instead of just letting Death rule my life, I could do something about it. “Oh, Jarvis, I made my best friend real, maybe I can make you real again too.”

I don’t remember where I got it from, but I had some ectoplasm in my lab. Maybe, just maybe, if I experimented enough with the stuff that ghosts are made of, I could find a way to bring one back to the land of the living.

Well, fucking shit. This wasn’t what I had in mind at all.

And to make matters worse, I forgot that Jarvis’s funeral was in just a few hours. Shit.

“Thank you for coming, Thalia, it’s been too long since I’ve seen you.”

“I missed you too, Rachel, but… don’t you think your costume is a bit… inappropriate?”

“It’s a long story.”

Luckily, the potion wore off before the funeral ended, and I was able to send my stepfather off in style.

I was starting to feel a bit better, and with the funeral out of the way, I found it easier to get back to focusing on my career. I was behind in my medical journal, so I used the rest of my bereavement leave as a chance to catch up.

I took a break from my reading to go get a drink. To my surprise, Nathan had set up his drum kit in the kitchen.

“What on Earth are you doing?”

“The tiles give me the most awesome acoustics, man.”

“Um, OK then.”

When I returned to work, Dr. Toast wanted to see me. “I need you to do some investigating for me.”

“Do you want me to break into a patient’s house?”

“God, no. You have to stop watching those stupid television shows. No, we’ve had some delay in supplies, go to city hall and find out why.”

I headed down to city hall and found out that Luz Song-Jamison had the information I needed, so I hunted her down.

“Thanks for the information, Luz. And I just want to add I really like your hat.”

“Oh, thank you. But don’t worry, it’s not made out of real panda.”

I had a few moments to spare before I went back to work, so we began playing tag in the street. I bet it’s not every day you see a lady in a panda hat playing tag with a doctor. But life’s too short to worry about what people think of you.

As I headed back to the hospital, I was excited to see an ice cream truck in the parking lot. “I’ll have a bunnysicle please!”

So delicious. And it comes with a free tongue depressor!

Remember how years ago I signed up for the chess club, and I couldn’t get that lady to come to my house to play me? Well, I finally decided I would go to her house and find her, and convince her to play me. There was no one home when I got there, so I spent the afternoon playing with their telescope while I waited.

Finally, Emily Chesterfield’s daughter arrived. “My mom will be home in a few hours. You can wait inside if you want.”

I came in the house and saw their TV was on the fritz. “It’s been like that for days, I keep meaning to call the repairman.” Scott apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, I got this.” I pulled out my screwdriver and went to work.

Finally, Emily got home. “Your grandson is so adorable!” I exclaimed.

“Thanks, I was just about to put him to bed.”

“Yeah, it is getting pretty late, I should probably go…”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, dear, you waited all day for me the least I could do is get to know you a bit before you go.”

Oddly enough, Emily didn’t even own a chess board… so we wound up finding some other way to occupy the rest of the evening.

“Oh, wow, Rachel, I haven’t had so much fun in years! Please call again soon!”

I was so glad that I was finally making some friends that I decided to invite them all over for a birthday party for Joshua and Nathan. Turtle seemed to be more excited than any of us, but I think he was just hoping someone would slip him some cake.

“OK, Holly, it’s time to blow out your candles!” Bowen said as he carried Joshua over to the cake.

“I’m JOSHUA!” Joshua giggled at the old man.

“Oh, right, right. Where’s Holly?”

“She grew up and moved out, Dad,” I reminded him.

“Oh, Dr. Toast, so glad you could come.”

“Any time, Rachel. Joshua looks like a sweet kid, but he’s so pale! Is he OK?”

“He’s fine, it’s not like he has lupus or anything.”

“It’s never lupus!” Dr. Toast reminded me and chuckled.

“So, Dr. Toast, I’ve been working really hard lately, and I saw you had an opening on your infectious disease research team…”

“This was a really nice party, Rachel. I will see you at work! Bye!”

“Bye,” I sighed. I guess she didn’t even hear me ask for the promotion. Sometimes I feel like such a total loser.

“Thanks for the cake, Rachel! You’re the best!” I turned back to Nathan. I almost forgot it was a double party.

“Anything for my brother!” Although I had lost Mia, I had gained a brother and a nephew. Sometimes life has a way of making things suck less, I guess. I was glad that the party was such a success, I guess I can get the promotion another day. It was a bit selfish of me to be thinking of my job on Nathan and Joshua’s day in the first place.

I was cleaning up the dishes, when my phone rang. “We need you to come in Rachel, sorry. We had a few doctors call in sick, and we can’t find Dr. Toast.”

“I’ll be right in,”I promised, and headed out the door. Apparently Dr. Toast had got distracted on her way home and was playing her keyboard in my driveway. She had been rather senile lately, and I think the hospital would rather she retired. I doubt Dr. Toast will go quietly.

“Thanks for your help, Rachel. For your efforts, the hospital has decided to give you that job on the infectious disease team.” I couldn’t believe it! I got the promotion after all! My happiness was short lived though, because a few days after I got the promotion, I came into work and saw several of the doctors and nurses crying. It seems Dr. Toast had died peacefully in her sleep that night. I just can’t escape Death. But I wasn’t going to let Him send me back into my funk. Instead, I decided to just remember all the things I learned from Dr. Toast, and how much she helped me in my career.

I had been so busy at work I had entirely forgotten Emily Chesterfield and the chess club! I gave her a call hoping that this time she would finally agree to come over. “I’ll be right over! I could really use a good game.”

Sure enough, Emily came right over. She even brought her husband and grandson. “Now Scott, I’ll just be playing chess with Rachel. I’m sure Bowen will be able to help you with the kid.”

“You brought a kid? I love kids! Come see our dollhouse!” Bowen happily exclaimed and led the boys inside.

“You have a lovely home, Rachel. Has it been in the family long?”

“Oh, there’s a funny story about the house…” I explained the whole story about Jack and Caroline’s fight over the house as we played our game. Emily won the first one, but I beat her the second game, allowing me to finally move up the chess club ladder.

After Emily left, I called the next person on the list, Rosemary Chesterfield. “Sure. I’ll be right over,” she told me. Just as I hung the phone up, it rang. “I’m sorry, Rachel, something came up and I can’t come over after all.” I sighed, here we go again.

I went downstairs, trying to ignore the wave of depression coming over me. Why do I have a hard time making friends? Was Rosemary lying because she didn’t want to spend time with me? I turned on the stereo and began my work out, trying to keep my brain from obsessing over such negative thoughts.

Not long after that I got a call from Emily’s daughter. “My mother passed on, I thought you should know.” I can’t believe this, I had just made friends with her. When will Death leave me alone?

If that wasn’t reminder enough of mortality, my baby had his 16th birthday. Time was flying by way too fast, if only I could slow it down.

I do admit though that Sheldon turned out well. He’s going to be beating the ladies off with a stick!

“Sheldon, now that you’re almost a man, I guess it’s time that you learn how to drive.”

“That’s awesome Mom! I’ve been waiting for this for ages!”

“No, sweetie, you only use your right foot to brake and gas. The left foot is for the clutch only. Now be sure to adjust your mirrors before you pull out…”

Oh, crud, I had totally forgoten it was Wiggles’ birthday. I’d probably forget my own birthday, I’m so absent minded.

As I was cursing myself for forgetting my wife’s birthday, Sheldon pulled the car over and got out. “I have a surprise for you,”he said.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!”

Like I said, I’d probably forget my own birthday.

Week Twelve: Lovesong

Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again — The Cure

Rachel

Work was going OK, I guess. I got promoted to resident, so now I had to read medical journals so I could diagnose patients better. Turns out, Lupus isn’t as common as I thought it was. Though I guess I should have known from Dr. House, since it’s almost never Lupus.

On my days off, I resumed my search for a rainbow gem. I was beginning to learn where all the good spots to find gems were in town, but every time I saw a promising rock, it would turn out to be a blue topaz, a smoky quartz, or a tanzanite. I felt so stupid. You’d think a rainbow gem would stand out and be easy to find. For anyone but me, I guess.

I stopped by the book store on the way home. Argyle Sinclair was there, giving a talk about chess. I stayed and listened, although I’d pretty much given up on the game. The chess club had blown me off for matches so many times that I was ready to take up checkers out of spite.

Dr. Toast had told me that Ariel Song was a key donor to the hospital, and she really liked to get to know all the doctors at the hospital personally. “Everything is politics,” Dr. Toast told me. I knew if I wanted to get far in the medical career, I better befriend Ms. Song. I figured I should start by showing her my medical skills.

“I invented a drug for the world to give worms to ex-girlfriends! Just kidding, it’s a vitamin supplement. Care to give it a try?”

“No, thank you. I had vitamin supplements at lunch.”

Luckily, my idea of playing tag went over better than the experimental drugs. So that’s a tip you can take from me if you want to make friends.

All that running around through the streets of Hidden Springs had worked up quite an appetite. I suggested to Ariel that we get in my car and go find a place to eat.

“Any preference?”

“Well, there’s pretty much only two places to eat in town, and I don’t fell like dressing up,” Ariel replied.

“The diner it is!”

“I’m so FUCKING TIRED!”

“Um, Rachel, maybe we should go. Dinner was nice and all but that old lady over there screaming obscenities is creeping me out, and I got to get up early for work tomorrow any way.”

“OK. I’ll see you some other time. I had fun.” As usual, my mother has to show up and ruin everything.

“Who are you calling, Rachel? Someone with a rainbow gem or imaginary friend potion?”

“Not everything is about you, Wiggles. I figure since Mia has a pet, I should get one too.”

“Oh! Are we going to get another doggy?”

“Not exactly,” I answered. Meet Amy Farrah Fowler. I named her after a character on my favorite TV show, The Big Bang Theory. Isn’t she adorable?

“Rachel, I have something I want to tell you but.. I don’t know how to say it. I was going to wait until I was real.. but now I think I want to know how you feel even if I stay this way forever…”

“What are you saying, Wigs?”

Wiggles then took me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I was pretty shocked. But what was even more surprising was I was kissing him back.

The next thing I know we were both naked and in the shower. Well, I was naked anyway.  Wiggles doesn’t wear clothes in the first place.

That night I slept better than I had in a long time.

“Come along, Rachel, we’ll be late for work.”

“I’m coming, Bowen, it’s just… ugh! I look so silly!”

“You know the rules. I’ll go through it too when it’s my turn!”

“It’ll never be your turn ’cause you keep getting demoted!”  The hospital had a silly tradition of hazing new residents by dressing us in crazy outfits. Apparently Dr. Toast thought it would be funny to put me in a graduation outfit.

I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m not good at public speaking, so giving a lecture on health benefits at the local military base was going to be hard enough. Dressed like this, however… I sighed and went inside. During my speech I wondered what Amy was up to at home…

What’s this? Smells like dog pee… there’s only one thing to do with dog pee.

Play in it!

A chair! MUST DESTROY!

When I finished the speech, I ran from the room and vomited. God that was so horrifying. Except… a nagging feeling was telling me that nerves wasn’t the only reason I was nauseated.

On my was home from the base, I was startled to see a horse just standing in the road downtown. “Hello, Mr. Horsey! Are you lost? Would you like a carrot?”

The horse turned his back on me and walked away. I can’t even make friends with stupid animals! I’m such a loser!

When I came home, I told Wiggles about all the struggles I had had that day.

“Don’t worry, Rach. I will always love you.”

“Thank you, Wigs, you mean so much to me.”

“When I’m real, can we have a family?”

“Of course, Wigs, I want that more than anything. I can’t wait to have your child.”

Little did I know I wouldn’t have to wait long.

I’d only been asleep for two hours when the phone rang. “You’re on call, Hatfield. Get your ass in here.” I sighed, put on my stupid graduation gown, and headed to the hospital. I wonder what Amy and Ranger are up to?

Lucky animals. I threw up again at work, so Dr. Toast told me I could go home. As I was leaving, another doctor who I didn’t recognize started calling for help.

“It seems to me to be appendicitis. Strange for someone of your age to have this. Better go inside and schedule surgery.” On a whim, I then took the diagnosis machine and ran it on myself.  WHAT THE FUCK??

“So, Rach, what’s up?”

“I’m pregnant with your baby, Wigs. Congrats.”

“Uh, What?”

“That’s what I said. And then some.”

Looks like the imaginary friend potion is a bigger priority now than ever before. I loved Wigs, and was willing to live with him as a doll, but what about everyone else? I didn’t want to sound like I was starting some kind of new religion or something. This wasn’t a virgin birth, despite what Wiggles’ doubters think.

This was getting fucking old.

“I’ll have the charred Rachel, with some fava beans and chianti.”

“Shut up, Wigs, I am so not in the mood. Don’t you know better than to fuck with a pregnant lady?”

Finally success! At least, success on the potion-discovering level. It wasn’t the imaginary friend potion, of course. I wouldn’t be THAT lucky. Instead what I found was a potion the books told me was called Radical Reparum. By drinking it, I now had the power to fix something instantly. It only worked on plumbing and electronics, though. No use trying it to fix my broken sucky life.

“Don’t worry, Rachel. You will get it eventually. You just have to keep on trying!”

“What does it look like I’m doing, quitting? Now leave me alone before I shove this beaker up your ass.”

“I’m just trying to help, Rach.”

“I know, Wigs, I’m sorry.” I don’t know why I treat Wiggles like this sometimes, I guess I take after my mother after all.

Oh, God, some aspects of pregnancy are just too much. My bladder is the size of a teacup now! Between that and the fact I get so wrapped up in my experiments…

Let’s just say there’s been a few accidents.

“Shut up, Wiggles.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.”

At least potion discovering was getting a little easier. Another wrong potion, but I did feel like I was making progress. I didn’t even feel that depressed for discovering the wrong potion this time. Ah! That’s it. I wrote down “Mood Enhancer” next to the potion formula.

“What’s this potion called?”

“Bladder flow. It makes you pee.”

“Shouldn’t it be just called ‘water,’ then, Rach?”

“Smart ass.”

Another thing about pregnancy was I got these weird cravings. Like bell peppers. I had such an urge to eat a juicy bell pepper that I took a quick break from the potion table and headed to the grocery store.

“Thirty three bell peppers? Are you sure? Ah, I see,” the cashier said as she looked at my belly. “Your husband’s luckier than mine was. When I had my son I had an urge for garlic and onion pizza.”

“Just fill the bag,” I sighed. I hate when people assume I’m married. They’re just reminding me of my failure to help Wiggles.

When I got home, Ranger was in the foyer whining. He looked desperately lonely. Oh, Mia.

“What’s the matter, Range? Did your mommy neglect you?” I hardly ever saw Mia any more. She slept all day, and was up all night doing Lord knows what. She’d gotten so busy with her music life she forgot she owned a dog. “Don’t worry, Ranger, I’ll play with you.”

“Doggy, Doggy, Doggy… HUNT!” OK, so it’s probably not how Cesar Milan would do it, but I was making a pointer out of Ranger my way. He looks so cute when he lifts his paw like that.

“Who’s got the rope? Who’s got the rope? You good doggy!” Maybe I should have gotten a dog as well as a cat. Amy was cute and all, but she liked to keep to herself.

“Aw… someone’s jealous! Don’t worry, Mommy loves you, too. Who’s a sweetheart? Amy’s a sweetheart!”

“Ma’am? I’m here from Animal Control. We had reports that your dog was neglected. We’re here for your animals.”

“What? I was just playing with him. He was lonely, yes, but he’s fine now.”

“It’s too late for that, miss. Now hand the cat over.”

“Wait, why do you have to take my cat?” I can’t believe this! My life just gets shittier and shittier!

“It’s the rules, lady.”

That tears it. I went upstairs to give Mia a peace of my mind. She got my kitty taken away!

“Mia! Your apathetic, stone-cold bitch ways got Amy and Ranger taken awa…OW! Oh my GOD! The pain…”

Wiggles and Mia immediately began freaking out. “What do I do? What do I do?” They shouted in unison.

“We go to the hospital!”

“Good thing you know the way there. I’m going back to my game,” Mia said. I can’t believe that girl sometimes. I was about to start another argument with her when another contraction hit.

“Let’s go, Wiggles, I guess I’ll drive.”

Meet Sheldon Hatfield. I named him after Jim Parsons’ character on the Big Bang Theory. I think Jim’s almost as adorable as my new baby.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

“Clean up on aisle three!”

“What did I say, Wiggles??”

“You said not to fuck with a pregnant lady. You’re not pregnant any more.”

“I can still shove you in the washing machine!”

“Oh, please don’t do that Rach, you know how I hate to get my stuffing wet.”

I took a quick nap before I got back to work, and all the events of the day caught up with me all at once. I loved being a new mother and all, but I still missed my kitty.

Well, this potion wasn’t the one to make Wiggles real, but maybe it would help me get over losing Ranger and Amy. I downed the potion and grimaced. Turns out it makes me smell really, really bad. Great, I found a new reason to take a shower. Go me!

This time, the potion smelled heavenly, so I figured I wouldn’t smell like my mother from drinking it. Instead, I felt refreshed, like I had just taken a nice long nap. This must be Sleeping Elixir.

“I feel so close to finding it, Wigs. I just think if I knew a little more about problem solving and logic, I’d have it.”

“Then why don’t you go to the library and read some books about it?”

“That’s a great idea, Wigs! You’re the best!” I kissed him passionately, then ran out the door.

I found the perfect book at the library. I knew this time when I went home and hit that table, I would have the solution.

So if I just put this chemical in this flask for just a few minutes longer… and then add this chemical as a catalyst…

“So you think this will work, Rachel?”

“I’m positive that this will either turn you into a human. Or maybe a vampire,” I assured him.

“A vampire! I don’t want to be a vampire!” Wiggles exclaimed.

“I’m kidding, silly. There’s no such thing as vampires.” Wiggles is so gullible some times.

“Here goes nothing,” Wiggles gulped nervously, and downed the bottle.

A few minutes passed, and Wiggles was consumed by a dark magical cloud. When it lifted I gasped.

“You’re… You’re… You’re…” I stammered, then finally said the last two words.

“A GIRL?” I finished.

“Of course I am, what else would I be?” she replied.

Nothing made sense. If she was a girl, then how did Sheldon? I shook my head. I guess some things in life were never meant to be answered. Besides, it didn’t matter to me what gender Wigs was. I loved her anyway.

The next few days were quite hectic. First I had to explain to my family where Wiggles came from. Then I had to explain that she was the mother of Sheldon. Everyone was flabbergasted, no one really knew what to say. Even my mom was speechless for probably the first time in her life. One day I cornered Wigs in the bathroom, and tackled her.

“I love you so much, babe. I have something to give you.”

“Hey, is the shower in here working? Half the plumbing in this god damn house is broken. You’d think marrying a maid would get some work done around here, go figure.”

“Dad, I’m kind of busy here…”

“Just ignore him, Rach. You were saying?”

“Wiggles, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“I also can’t seem to find a good sink to wash my dishes in.”

“Yes! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!”

Oh well, at least Dad made the moment unforgettable.

We decided to have the wedding at our house just at sunset. I invited all our extended family, but I was so happy to be finally marrying Wiggles I didn’t even notice who did or did not show up. It was the most perfect wedding ever.

“So, Rach, how many times did you blow yourself up while trying to make me real?” she asked me later that night after all the guests had left.

“I lost count, but you know what? Every single time was totally worth it. I’d do it all again hundred times over just to live with you for the rest of my life.”

“I’m just glad I don’t have to go in that stupid washer ever again,” she giggled. “Seriously, Rach, you’re the best wife a girl could ever ask for.” We turned out the light and ducked under the covers. The wedding was over, and our honeymoon had just begun.

Week Ten: Learning to Fly

A soul in tension — that’s learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I – Pink Floyd

Rachel

Mom sure beat the hell out of this thing. It looks like a part of the doll she pretends is Dad got stuck in the wheel. That’s why it won’t turn. Oh well, I’ll fix it right up for her like I always do.

“OK, Mrs. Hatfield, I fixed up your car,” Mr. Wiggles told Mom. She didn’t like my friend at first, but she’s come around on him. The closest I feel with my mom is when we play “Let’s Pretend.” She’s a kid at heart when she’s not screaming at people. Ever since she got caught stealing money from the campaign fund, all Mom does now is sleep all day, and then she goes out at night. Dad thinks she hits the bars, but she always seems stone cold sober when she gets home to me.

I had gotten a job at the hospital, I wanted to learn everything I could about the human body. I like learning things, but I had a special reason for my interest in anatomy and biology and life in general.  But first, I wanted to increase my skills in logic. I signed up for a class at the science facility. I also began asking a few questions about my special interest. Amazingly, one of the scientists said he could help me, but first I had to find him something.

That “something” was a very rare kind of gem. I started scouring Hidden Springs for it, but all I could find was a lump of iron. Story of my life I guess. I was so excited when I saw it flashing in the sun several yards away, but it wasn’t a rainbow gem. My heart broke and I began to cry.

Of course, that’s when the fucking paparazzi showed up. Sorry. I guess some of my mother’s language wears off on me sometime, but what better word can I use to describe these assholes? Just because my mom is the disgraced former candidate for governor, doesn’t mean me crying over a silly rock is news. I should be glad I’m not my sister Cynthia though. Ever since she announced she and our half sister Thalia were expecting a baby, the media’s done nothing but give her grief about it.

“Night, Holly,” I said as I climbed up into my bunk bed. She had wet the bed again. She’s a nice girl but Bowen wasn’t the best father to her. He seems off in his own world all the time, and doesn’t even remember to go to work on most days. I guess it’s good the two of them found my mother, even though as I can attest, she’s not exactly the best parent either.

The next morning, when I came downstairs, my dad had some bad news for me. “Your mother was arrested last night.”

“Why?”

“It turns out all these nights she’s been out late, she wasn’t at the clubs or bars, but working for a crime syndicate.”

“Oh, Christ.” I started sobbing, I just couldn’t take it any more. How many times was she going to let me down like this? Why couldn’t I have normal parents like everyone else in the world? I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom.

Wiggles was already in the bathroom. “You’re not going to take a shower are you? The shower is SCARY and I HATE water.”

“You know I hate water too, Wiggles. Mom got arrested last night. Turns out she’s in with the town bad guys.”

“It’ll be OK, Rach. You’ll always have me.”

“Thanks, Wigs, I love you so much. I’d never have survived this far without you.”

“So, did you learn anything about making me real yet?”

Please don’t laugh. I’ve had my doll since I was a baby, and, one day, he just started to talk to me. I’m not crazy. At least I don’t think I am. Anyway, I read a lot of books about it, and I found out lots of kids in Hidden Springs have had the same experience. Some stories even spoke of dolls who became real. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I think if I can put my mind to it, I can find out if these stories are true or not.

“There’s a scientist at the lab who said he heard somewhere rainbow gems can make a potion that turn dolls real. I hope he wasn’t pulling my leg, but it’s worth a shot.”

Well crud, now I’m going to be late for work. My boss, Rebecca Toast, is sure to yell at me again. I think she hates me.

While I was at work, an idea came to me. Sometimes the consignment store sold rocks that other people had found. Maybe I could get a rainbow gem that way! I ran to the store after work. The lady who worked the counter was chatting with a friend of hers when I walked in. She nodded to acknowledge my presence then kept chatting. I sighed, and continued to wait.

“Can I help you? Make it quick, we close real soon.”

Yeah, I’m so sorry to hold you up. “Would you happen to have any rainbow gems?”

“Nope. OK, thanks for shopping, good night!” She closed the register and hustled me out of the store.

“Hi, Mia. I had a rough day at work. The janitor shoved me into the laundry cart and then dumped me in the garbage. He thought it was funny, that crazy asshole. Want to pillow fight so we can blow off some steam?”

“Um, maybe some other time, I got to practice.”

Oh well, I’ll always have Wiggles.

“HUSTLE, RACHEL! I’M GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT YOU.”

Why is everyone always so mean to me? I silently road to work, embarrassed my coworker yelled at me. At work I looked around for Bowen. He had left his job at the science career because the hospital had made him a better offer. Why, I don’t know.

Turns out, he didn’t go. As usual.  Dad told me he was sitting at the kitchen table watching flies hatch out of food he left out for that exact purpose. Dad said it was gross as hell, but I thought it sounded cool. My day was nowhere near as fun. Dr. Toast asked me to substitute for the anesthesiologist, so I did. I left the gas on though, and knocked myself out. And a surgery team prepping for OR as well. Fucking shit.

“Sorry, Ma’am, still no rainbow gems.” Sigh, why is my life so shitty?

Dr. Toast told me if I wanted to be a doctor, it would help if I learned chess so I could think quicker on my feet. I joined the local club, and they gave me a list of names. “See, we have a ladder system. You have to beat the person on your current rung before you can play higher opponents.”

This sounded like fun. But when I called Emily Chesterfield she told me that something had come up and she couldn’t come over.

“So, at work today, I suggested Lupus because the symptoms sounded like something I had read about, and Dr. Toast laughed at me and accused me of watching too much House.”

The next day, Bowen didn’t show up at work again. Mom told me she had a huge fight with Dad about it, because she saw Dad talking to him. She thinks Dad distracts Bowen so he forgets to go to work. I told Mom that Bowen was a full grown man and responsible for his own actions, but that didn’t go well. Luckily, the phone rang. It was Thalia calling to tell us Cynthia had given birth! I was so happy for them. They named him Matthew, and he’s the most adorable thing ever. Even better I got a promotion to bed pan cleaner! Saying that out loud I realize it doesn’t sound like something to be excited about, but it does pay better.

“No. No rainbow gems. Look, lady, we’ll call you if any come in.”

“Thank you, sorry to be such a bother.” I know she was getting sick of seeing me, but I was afraid if I just trusted her to call me, she’d forget. Wiggles was counting on me too much for that.

I realized though that if the scientist at the lab was just going to make a potion for me, maybe I could learn the potion myself! Beats running around town picking up dirty rocks.

Before I could finish brewing up my first potion, however, Dad called me into the kitchen. It was Jarvis’s birthday. Our household was always having a birthday it seems. But cake and parties are awesome, so I don’t mind.

Jarvis looked a bit shocked to look so old, but Dad didn’t mind. “You’re still as handsome as the day I met you,” he said. I hope I can find happiness like that someday.

“Oh, sorry, Rachel. I was on my way out the door to come over for our chess match, but my mom called. Sorry.”

Emily had stood me up again. I was going to be the lowest chess rank FOREVER.

“Hey, guys. Cynthia called today to thank us for the baby gifts. She also said she’s pregnant again. She laughed and said Thalia’s a bit shell-shocked.”

I kind of like my new outfit for work. At least, I do in the mornings. By the end of my day as a bed pan cleaner, let’s just say my scrubs aren’t bright pink any more.

“Oh! Just who I wanted to see! I have a rainbow gem for you!”

“Really?” I jumped with glee.

“No, I don’t have one! I told you I would call, lady! Now leave me alone!”

Bitch.

When I got home I poked my head in the bathroom. “Um, Bowen, Dr. Toast said if you don’t start coming to work soon, you might as well just stop coming period.” Bowen ignored me, splashing with his ducky. I shrugged. Not my problem. I didn’t know Bowen wore a toupee though.

Mia was getting really good on her guitar. I am so happy for her. I wish I had a talent of some kind. I can’t even find anyone to play chess with me.

“Did you get it?” Wiggles eagerly asked me.

“No, judging from the ingredients I used and the color, this should be Liquid Horror.” I drank it to see what it would do.

“Whoa, are you sure you should be drinking that?”

“Not really,” I replied. It didn’t seem to do anything to me though.

“Wiggles, I love you and all, but could you stop staring at me while I do this?”

“Why?”

BOOM!

“Oh, no reason.”

Looks like I was going to have to add a shower to my workstation in the garage.

Well, fuck. This is getting nowhere fast.

“Don’t feel bad, Rach. Dr. House always has to try three or four times before he finds the answer.”

“Thanks, Wiggles. MOM! I can see you! You’re not sneaking up on me.”

Since mom’s arrest, she’s been getting along with Dad better now. I have no idea why. I asked her if she still hated Dad, and she said that she actually considers him to be her best friend. I bet that lasts only a week though.

I kept failing at my potion creation so much I had lost track of whether I had showered or not. One morning, I was pillow fighting with Wiggles when I heard my car pool loudly honking.

“Let’s go, Rach.” My coworker started to snicker to herself.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said as we drove to work.

I got promoted to paramedic that day and I excitedly ran all the way to the consignment store.

“Oh, wow.”

“So, did you get any rainbow gems?”

“Um, no, you, um, got something…”

“Oh, God! My stomach!” she said, as she doubled over in pain.

“Here, let me help.”

“This shot should help with your nausea.”

“Um, if you say so…”  I injected the solution into her arm and she felt better almost immediately.

“Wow, thanks, oh, look at the time! Night!” She closed up the shop and hustled me out, not even giving me a chance to look at her wares.

I had been told at work that I should get to know Ariel Song, a local politician. “If she has friends at the hospital, she’s more likely to help get us state funds,” Dr. Toast explained to me.

“You have a nice house,” I told Ariel when I went to her house.

“Hey, I’m having a party, you should stick around.”

“I’m feeling pretty tired,” I told her, but I agreed anyway.

At the party some guy showed up with no pants on. What a weirdo.

I was so tired I crawled into Ariel’s bed and slept through most of the party.

I probably wouldn’t have slept very well if I had known what was going on while I was sleeping. He just stood there and stared at me the whole time.

When I got home, Mom was repeatedly mopping the floor. “Look, Mom, you have to fix the sink first, then clean up the water. Let me call the repair man.” She never could find her purpose in life, so now she just grasps at anything she can find. It’s real depressing.

The next day after work I hit the consignment store again. This time I hit pay dirt. No rainbow gems, but they had a miner! Maybe with it, I could dig up a rainbow gem.

“It sure is noisy, Rach. I don’t think I like it.”

“Look, do you want to be real or not?”

I did find a luminous gem, which was pretty cool, but no rainbow gem. Back to the potions I guess. I was getting really discouraged, but for Wiggles’ sake I just couldn’t quit.

Or maybe I could. I feel like I’m just covered head to toe in soot every fucking day now. Why does my life suck so fucking hard? Why am I such a failure? Why couldn’t Mom just have had twins so I’d never been born? The world would have been better off.

I crawled into bed and took a nap with my mommy. Just a few moments…

I got up a couple hours later, and prepared to wash off. Wiggles was staring hopefully at me.

“Get out Wiggles! I need to bathe!”

“So are you not gonna make potions any more?”

“Jeez, Wigs, I took a break to eat! I’m heading back out.”

“Maybe you should try…”

“BACK OFF WIGGLES! I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!”

“See, look what you made me do!”

“Dr. House…”

“Shut it, Wiggles we’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Rachel! Your sister just called! It’s another boy! They named him Nikolas! Rachel?” Mom poked her head in the garage and saw me sleeping. “Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ! You couldn’t shower first? You’re getting soot all over my sheets!” I was too out of it to hear her or care.